I asked Jamie to write something for the blog – so here it is…
When Sean spoke the words”It’s cancer” from the telephone, I on the receiving end, had a nanosecond to think, respond, and choose. I had to think what our now life was going to look like, to respond as from either a selfish or selfless counterpart, and I would have to choose to believe whatever belief I did have that moment while sitting on the stairs as the main entrance of our townhouse spun around me. Waves of innocent laughter from the children outside absolutely unaware of the pressure beginning to fall like dead weights on my shoulders. The only thing within the forefront of my mind was how are we going to fix this? How are we going to stop this thing from destroying our lives.
I have become obsessed with trying to keep the family in somewhat of a systematic order, but all at the same time losing ourselves in the mix of it. Maybe not losing ourselves as much as me losing me. Myself no longer existing, not able to compete with the unrest of researching, juicing, prepping, planning, coping, not coping, screaming, crying, and so on. Life went to a complete screeching halt. We were coasting, on cruise control, and then BAM! A deer jumped out. Well, not a deer, but a big merciless monster. The destroyer, the devourer of life. As a deer stares not knowing, this beast knows exactly what he is looking back at. Our eyes defence-less, as we come face to face with this rude awakening. Life is not meant to be on cruise control. It is to be lived. Plain and simple. To live is to live and not with our heads back on the head rest and our eyes shut tight.
I would say we currently have had a major realization of the topic of no guarantees in life. There aren’t any and to come to terms with that, and I mean really come to terms with it no denying, wishing, or dreaming of some far-fetched life with guarantees, because there isn’t any such thing.
Today We are making memories, loving each day we have and intentional about everything we do. Our eyes aren’t closed, squinting,or behind our hands anymore, but open to the possible and the impossible. We are taking everything we have in today and paying close attention to every detail.