We decided we would walk to the hospital this morning. It was a short, brisk walk from our house to the clinic. It’s kind of nice living so close to the hospital in light of our situation. We arrived on the second floor of the cancer wing and proceeded to the front desk. I checked in wand was given a bunch of paperwork to fill out. Jamie and I took our seat in the waiting room and filled out the all the necessary forms. It didn’t take too long to fill everything out, so I returned the forms to the nurse at the desk and took my seat. I was nervous at all. I actually was quite excited to finally get the ball rolling. We waited about 20 minutes and then it was time to meet with the doctor. We were ushered into a small, sterile room. We waited a few more minutes before the door opened and a young lady walked through the door. She introduced herself as Denise and that she would be collecting a little more background information on me before i was to meet with Dr. Ahmed. After about 15 minutes of answering her questions and taking some time to ask her some questions, it was finally time to meet with the doctor. Dr. Ahmed introduced himself and sat down next to me and spent a few seconds looking over my file. He asked me a bunch of questions and then it was time for him to do a physical. I was too excited about this, but hey, whatever. I got up on the table and followed the doctors instructions. Let’s just say he was thorough. After the physical examination I got dressed again and took my seat. He told me everything looked and sounded good. That was positive! As we sat in there in the examining room, Dr. Ahmed began to inform us about what our next steps would be. The tumor in my colon will be left alone right now because they are concerned about the spots on my liver. We knew that there were spots on my liver and on my lungs but what he told us next was a punch right in the face. He informed us that the spots on my liver are cancer. It is stage 4 liver cancer. Are you kidding me? I just sat there stunned. Jamie too. Dr. Ahmed informed us that the best course of action will be chemotherapy. We listened to what he had to say and left the room speechless. Our heads were spinning. What were we going to do? Before we left the office we asked about the success rates of chemo and the mortality rates. He could give us a definitive answer as he is not a specialist in this area but he did say that the mortality rate in the past with this type of cancer is 5 years. Now we respect what the doctors have to say and we will do what they suggest to do, but we continue to hold onto our anchor.
The elevator was taking too long so I rushed up the three flights of stairs. My heart beating fast not because of the trek up the three flights, but because I am nervous. I take my seat in the waiting room. I’m shaking inside. Stop it! Everything is going to be fine! I keep looking up at the clock. It’s moving too slow. I try and settle my thoughts by reciting Scripture. You can’t make this stuff up… I just received a timely Facebook message as I am writing this from a dear friend. She writes, “Yea, though you Walk thru the Valley of the SHADOW of death…YOU WILL FEAR NO, NO, NO, NO, EVIL OR HAVE DREAD….FOR HE SAYS, I AM WITH YOU, I AM FOR YOU, I WILL NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, LEAVE YOU OR FORSAKE YOU..MY ROD AND MY STAFF WILL COMFORT YOU AND GUIDE YOU…WE WERE PRAYING FOR YOU THIS MORNING, AND I PRAYED THIS LITTLE SENTENCE…THAT YOU’VE NOT BEEN HANDED A DEATH SENTENCE..YOU’VE ALREADY BEEN GIVEN A LIFE SENTENCE IN HIM…..CAN’T KILL A DEAD MAN WHO’S ALIVE IN CHRIST….PSALM 23 IS SO BEAUTIFULLY SPOKEN AGAIN IN THE MESSAGE AND THE VOICE TRANSLATIONS….IT GRABS YOUR HEART AND INFUSES IT WITH STRENGTH AND COURAGE….LOVE FROM US. Thanks Margit! So encouraging. My heart returns to its normal pattern. I feel at peace now. My thoughts aren’t racing any longer as I am focused on the One who walks with me. He calms the storms, He heals the sick. He gives sight to the blind. He knows me by name. He close to the broken hearted and He does so much more!
After an hour of waiting to see the doctor, my name was finally called. Mr. Sabourin, Dr. Jangra will see you now. I didn’t know what to expect. I knew that my results were in but I had no idea what they were going to be. Dr. Jangra opened the office door and sat down next to me. We exchanged some small talk and then we got down to business. He shared the results of my MRI and CT Scan. They weren’t the results I was hoping for. The tumour in my colon is quite large and there is nothing they can do right now because they discovered spots on my lungs and liver. I couldn’t believe it. Really? This isn’t happening I thought. He continued to share more findings and I started asking all the questions that came to my mind. I spent about 30 minutes in his office and left in shock. There are a lot of unanswered questions until I see the doctors at the cancer clinic in 10 days but I am determining to remain hopeful and positive through this. I have no idea what the outcome will be, but as I have stated numerous times, I choose trust Him through this.
We continue to wait for the results of my MRI and CT Scan. The past week and a half have had their fair share of ups and downs. It’s an emotional roller coaster at times. One day it feels like nothing has even happened and the next it feels like the world is crashing in on us. For the most part, we remain positive and trust everything will work out. Tuesday I am suppose to get my results. My doctor is back from holidays and I meet with him in the afternoon so hopefully we will hear something. In the midst of all the waiting, a lot of weird, crazy things are happening. People I haven’t spoken to in a real long time are calling me and it is so neat to catch up with people from my past. Remember, there’s a bigger picture we don’t always see. To top off all the weirdness, my wife has found my biological father. Yes, you heard me correctly, my biological father. It still hasn’t sunk in. She called me early Friday morning to tell me the news as I was helping her dad do some work. I had a good cry and carried on. My mind is still racing and hasn’t fully processed her statement – “I found your biological father.” I will write more about this in the next day or so, but for now let’s just say my mind and heart are blown. Please continue to pray for us, think about us, write or text us. We sure do appreciate it! Anyways, until we cross paths again. Remember, God is still God and God is still good!
The waiting room was already packed with people as I walked through the doors. All eyes were on me for a brief second and then they returned to their smartphones, newspapers and magazines. There was a tension in the air. I would imagine fueled by fear, concern and the unknown. So many stories all in one room. I took my number and found my seat. Thoughts were racing through my mind as I stared at the TV. What am I doing here? Why are all these people here? How long will it take for my number to be called? Number 51 I hear being called. Number 51? That’s me. I get up from my seat and head over to the nurses desk to sign in. I give the nurse the information she requires and return to my seat. I can’t help stop thinking about what everyone is here for and what they must be thinking? Did someone just find out they were diagnosed with cancer? Is the lady in the pink shirt here for a follow up? What about that guy in the ball cap, why is he here? Suddenly I hear, Mr. Sabourin? Is there a Mr. Sean Sabourin? I stand up and make my way over to the 79 year old volunteer who will walk me to my CT scan. He was a happy old man. He shared with me how he had be volunteering at the hospital for seven years as we walked towards the CT department. He wished me luck I as entered into the waiting room and turned around and told me that he was on his way to pick up a 91 year old and bring him back here. As he walked away, I couldn’t help but wonder what his story was? Why was he here? Why did he make a decision to volunteer at the hospital all those years ago? I waited for a few short minutes and then it was my turn to prepare. I got on my gown and headed into the room. It was time.