The elevator was taking too long so I rushed up the three flights of stairs. My heart beating fast not because of the trek up the three flights, but because I am nervous. I take my seat in the waiting room. I’m shaking inside. Stop it! Everything is going to be fine! I keep looking up at the clock. It’s moving too slow. I try and settle my thoughts by reciting Scripture. You can’t make this stuff up… I just received a timely Facebook message as I am writing this from a dear friend. She writes, “Yea, though you Walk thru the Valley of the SHADOW of death…YOU WILL FEAR NO, NO, NO, NO, EVIL OR HAVE DREAD….FOR HE SAYS, I AM WITH YOU, I AM FOR YOU, I WILL NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, LEAVE YOU OR FORSAKE YOU..MY ROD AND MY STAFF WILL COMFORT YOU AND GUIDE YOU…WE WERE PRAYING FOR YOU THIS MORNING, AND I PRAYED THIS LITTLE SENTENCE…THAT YOU’VE NOT BEEN HANDED A DEATH SENTENCE..YOU’VE ALREADY BEEN GIVEN A LIFE SENTENCE IN HIM…..CAN’T KILL A DEAD MAN WHO’S ALIVE IN CHRIST….PSALM 23 IS SO BEAUTIFULLY SPOKEN AGAIN IN THE MESSAGE AND THE VOICE TRANSLATIONS….IT GRABS YOUR HEART AND INFUSES IT WITH STRENGTH AND COURAGE….LOVE FROM US. Thanks Margit! So encouraging. My heart returns to its normal pattern. I feel at peace now. My thoughts aren’t racing any longer as I am focused on the One who walks with me. He calms the storms, He heals the sick. He gives sight to the blind. He knows me by name. He close to the broken hearted and He does so much more!
After an hour of waiting to see the doctor, my name was finally called. Mr. Sabourin, Dr. Jangra will see you now. I didn’t know what to expect. I knew that my results were in but I had no idea what they were going to be. Dr. Jangra opened the office door and sat down next to me. We exchanged some small talk and then we got down to business. He shared the results of my MRI and CT Scan. They weren’t the results I was hoping for. The tumour in my colon is quite large and there is nothing they can do right now because they discovered spots on my lungs and liver. I couldn’t believe it. Really? This isn’t happening I thought. He continued to share more findings and I started asking all the questions that came to my mind. I spent about 30 minutes in his office and left in shock. There are a lot of unanswered questions until I see the doctors at the cancer clinic in 10 days but I am determining to remain hopeful and positive through this. I have no idea what the outcome will be, but as I have stated numerous times, I choose trust Him through this.
We continue to wait for the results of my MRI and CT Scan. The past week and a half have had their fair share of ups and downs. It’s an emotional roller coaster at times. One day it feels like nothing has even happened and the next it feels like the world is crashing in on us. For the most part, we remain positive and trust everything will work out. Tuesday I am suppose to get my results. My doctor is back from holidays and I meet with him in the afternoon so hopefully we will hear something. In the midst of all the waiting, a lot of weird, crazy things are happening. People I haven’t spoken to in a real long time are calling me and it is so neat to catch up with people from my past. Remember, there’s a bigger picture we don’t always see. To top off all the weirdness, my wife has found my biological father. Yes, you heard me correctly, my biological father. It still hasn’t sunk in. She called me early Friday morning to tell me the news as I was helping her dad do some work. I had a good cry and carried on. My mind is still racing and hasn’t fully processed her statement – “I found your biological father.” I will write more about this in the next day or so, but for now let’s just say my mind and heart are blown. Please continue to pray for us, think about us, write or text us. We sure do appreciate it! Anyways, until we cross paths again. Remember, God is still God and God is still good!
The waiting room was already packed with people as I walked through the doors. All eyes were on me for a brief second and then they returned to their smartphones, newspapers and magazines. There was a tension in the air. I would imagine fueled by fear, concern and the unknown. So many stories all in one room. I took my number and found my seat. Thoughts were racing through my mind as I stared at the TV. What am I doing here? Why are all these people here? How long will it take for my number to be called? Number 51 I hear being called. Number 51? That’s me. I get up from my seat and head over to the nurses desk to sign in. I give the nurse the information she requires and return to my seat. I can’t help stop thinking about what everyone is here for and what they must be thinking? Did someone just find out they were diagnosed with cancer? Is the lady in the pink shirt here for a follow up? What about that guy in the ball cap, why is he here? Suddenly I hear, Mr. Sabourin? Is there a Mr. Sean Sabourin? I stand up and make my way over to the 79 year old volunteer who will walk me to my CT scan. He was a happy old man. He shared with me how he had be volunteering at the hospital for seven years as we walked towards the CT department. He wished me luck I as entered into the waiting room and turned around and told me that he was on his way to pick up a 91 year old and bring him back here. As he walked away, I couldn’t help but wonder what his story was? Why was he here? Why did he make a decision to volunteer at the hospital all those years ago? I waited for a few short minutes and then it was my turn to prepare. I got on my gown and headed into the room. It was time.
Tomorrow is kind of a big day. I have a CT Scan scheduled in the morning. I have never had one, so I don’t really know what to expect. A CT Scan is CT, or CAT scans, are special X-ray tests that produce cross-sectional images of the body using X-rays and a computer. CT scans are also referred to as computerized axial tomography. Two weeks ago I had an MRI and I am still awaiting to hear of the results. It can be a struggle at times waiting for results, but we continue to remain positive that everything is going to work out just fine. I also received news about my appointment with my Onconlogist on August 23. At times I wish everything would happen a little quicker but I have to trust the process. I am thankful very thankful for our medical system here in Canada. Yes, it is not perfect, but to think what others must go through, causes me to be thankful. I would appreciate your prayers for tomorrow. I am not afraid of the scan, and I am not too consumed with the ‘what ifs’ but they are there. They are always there trying to wreak havoc in the back of my mind. I fight on a daily basis to take those thoughts captive and remind myself that He is with me and that He is good!
For the most part, today was a good day. I spent some time with a friend out on the waters fishing. It was good to get out and try and get my mind off of things. We talked about many different topics and sometimes we didn’t talk at all. It was good just being in the moment. I catch myself drifting at times. Thinking about the possibilities of the next few steps and then thinking that this is all still a dream. I don’t think it has truly set in yet. I think when I meet with my doctor and we talk about the plan of action it will become more real.
Later in the day my mind started to think about how amazing it has been to receive countless texts, Facebook messages and phone calls. It is overwhelming to say the least. I know our family is being cared for through all the encouragement we have received.. I spoke with a friend last night who is battling brain cancer. It was great talking with him and at the end of our conversation we prayed for one another. It was a special moment. He prayed with such honesty and sincerity. It was a real encouragement to have him pray for me and I hope in some small way I was able to encourage him.
I just want to say thank you to everyone who has gone out of their way to send me or Jamie a note of encouragement. It may not seem much to you, but to us it is huge. So THANK YOU! Your words have power! They are a source of encouragement and strength in this season of life. So please know you are making a difference in our lives. Remember, no matter what He is still good!