Yesterday I went onto Facebook Live to share some thoughts about our journey so far. It was so fun doing this. I was able to connect with childhood friends and family I haven’t seen or spoken to in many years. It can be amazing at times how technology can bring people together. It also has the ability to cause people to be not so ‘social.’
You can watch the rebroadcast below. Sorry that the video quality isn’t that great. You can thank Facebook for that. Thanks for watching!
Another week of treatments is in the books! Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for my treatments – it’s just nice to be done.
It’s hard to believe that there have been nearly 38 weeks that have passed by since the diagnosis. That’s a lot of treatments! That’s a lot of sitting. That’s a lot of money!
But it sure has been worth it!
People ask me nearly everyday – how are you doing? My answer – today is a good day! Now obviously that’s not the case all the time, but for the most part – I would say I am doing very well. Each day I give thanks for the decision we made to head in this direction with my treatment protocol. I honestly feel like this nightmare has come to an end. Don’t ask me why – I just sense it. I am not saying I am healed (although it would be very nice to make that announcement) – I just feel like we have turned a corner the past three weeks.
Maybe it’s the way I have been feeling lately? Or maybe, just maybe – things are working? Whatever the reasons are – I will take it. Lately I haven’t been consumed with my thoughts. I have found myself thinking more about other things and people lately than myself and the situation we are faced with. To me – that’s progress.
It’s a relief!
It’s a miracle!
To think more about living than dying is such a relief! I am not saying I won’t have any more bad days – I am just thankful for the past couple of months to be behind us now. As a family we were face with a lot the past couple of months – we bent, but we didn’t break! It is God’s grace carrying us through this valley of the shadow of death – oh yeah, and not to mention – all the amazing people who have leaned into our life at this time.
Sometimes these two words just don’t seem to be enough when trying to convey your heart on a specific matter.
Often, our words are inadequate to describe how we feel about a particular person or thing.
Over the past 9 months, our family has been loved, supported, and cared for by so many people. Our families, friends, acquaintances, our kid’s school, church family, and even complete strangers have gone out of there way to help us during this time. It has been overwhelming and quite humbling to experience such generosity!
From the new back to school clothes in September, to the numerous gift cards we have received – they are all greatly appreciated! All the cards, phone calls, and text messages we have received have helped profoundly with remaining positive during this time.
You just never know when your words may bring healing into someone’s life.
It is stressful enough having to deal with cancer, let alone everything else that happens on a daily basis. Paying bills, finances, working, getting the kids to and from school, appointments, enemas, treatments, watching our kids, and everything else that happens can be somewhat taxing. It is obvious to me that wouldn’t be able to do what we are doing even if we didn’t have the support from so many people!
I asked Jamie to write something for the blog – so here it is…
When Sean spoke the words”It’s cancer” from the telephone, I on the receiving end, had a nanosecond to think, respond, and choose. I had to think what our now life was going to look like, to respond as from either a selfish or selfless counterpart, and I would have to choose to believe whatever belief I did have that moment while sitting on the stairs as the main entrance of our townhouse spun around me. Waves of innocent laughter from the children outside absolutely unaware of the pressure beginning to fall like dead weights on my shoulders. The only thing within the forefront of my mind was how are we going to fix this? How are we going to stop this thing from destroying our lives.
I have become obsessed with trying to keep the family in somewhat of a systematic order, but all at the same time losing ourselves in the mix of it. Maybe not losing ourselves as much as me losing me. Myself no longer existing, not able to compete with the unrest of researching, juicing, prepping, planning, coping, not coping, screaming, crying, and so on. Life went to a complete screeching halt. We were coasting, on cruise control, and then BAM! A deer jumped out. Well, not a deer, but a big merciless monster. The destroyer, the devourer of life. As a deer stares not knowing, this beast knows exactly what he is looking back at. Our eyes defence-less, as we come face to face with this rude awakening. Life is not meant to be on cruise control. It is to be lived. Plain and simple. To live is to live and not with our heads back on the head rest and our eyes shut tight.
I would say we currently have had a major realization of the topic of no guarantees in life. There aren’t any and to come to terms with that, and I mean really come to terms with it no denying, wishing, or dreaming of some far-fetched life with guarantees, because there isn’t any such thing.
Today We are making memories, loving each day we have and intentional about everything we do. Our eyes aren’t closed, squinting,or behind our hands anymore, but open to the possible and the impossible. We are taking everything we have in today and paying close attention to every detail.
I had just finished my treatment at the doctors when I got an idea to take the kids to Castle Fun Park. We jumped in the Flex and headed east to CFP. The entire ride the kids couldn’t contain their excitement. It was like someone had given them a 2L of Coca Cola to drink before they got into the car. We arrived after a 10 minute ride, and went immediately to purchase our tickets. One of the traditions we have when we visit CFP is the kids get a blue slushy to drink. I think this is the highlight of the trip for the rugrats. After getting some food and their blue slushies, it was time to head upstairs and play some games.
It was our first time at CFP in a few months. They had obviously done some renovations and upgrades since we were there last. It was a blast watching the kids have so much fun. We are one of those families who haven’t really let their kids get involved with video games (and we are ok with that).
We made our way around the arcade. Each kid had their own card and could decide what games they wanted to play. It is hilarious watching 3 kids trying to figure out what game they wanted to play. I think they were on sensory overload. Part way through our evening, Memphis decided that he wanted to play ‘dome hockey.’ How many remember ‘dome hockey?’ I am not too sure if that is even the name, but oh well, that’s what we call it. We headed over to the game and made our teams. It was Nola & River against Memphis & Dad. Earlier I started to feel a bit dizzy, but nothing too much. I ignored it, and kept playing with the kids. A couple of minutes into our game and the dizziness seemed to increase, and the next thing I know – I hit the ground!
I had passed out. Where was I? How did I get here. All I remember is playing with the kids on the ground – or at least that’s what I thought I doing. Panic started to set in. I was scared. Not for me, but for my kids. They had no idea what was going on. I was out of control. Thankfully, there were two guys playing pool who had seen what had happened. They were concerned. I am sure they thought I was drunk. They called for help, and a few seconds later, two ladies showed up. I made my way to a car video game, and sat down. I still didn’t know what was going on. Nola is crying, the boys seem to be oblivious, the room is spinning, and I have no idea what is going on. Crazy! Nothing like this has ever happened to me. Things seemed to be settling down, and I was beginning to feel better after a few minutes. I called Jamie, and she arranged for the kids and myself to be picked up by our good friend Lizzie.
After a couple of minutes we headed downstairs to wait for our ride. The ladies with us were amazing! They did a fantastic job calming the kids, and even played a few games with them while we waited. Five minutes later, Lizzie & Jill showed up. As soon as I saw them I lost it. I don’t think I have ever cried so hard. I was scared – but mostly for my kids. I was relieved to see them. They just wrapped their arms around me, and assured me everything was going to be ok.
It was time to go home…
Check out the below video of our scary adventure to Castle Fun Park. You actually see the moment I pass out.