Family Journey Life Update

Selfish Cancer

A post from Jamie…

This is our reality from time to time…

More and more I am beginning to recognize how selfish cancer is. It has absolute no consideration for any one person or thing and has only one thing in mind…that is to devastate and destroy exactly that in which it chooses to attack or find residency in.

I am on the outside of this all. Yes, my family is greatly impacted by this very real nuisance, but cancer has no place to hide in me. I don’t have cancer, nor do I chose to have any sort of ownership of it come out of my mouth. I just won’t. However, the effects it has on Sean and therefore Sean’s influence on the kids and I really frustrates me to a place in which I am irate. Sean’s mind plays tricks on him. He is in a moment – at the moment – having just that. His moment though, not only affects him, it trickles down onto us. I often feel I am trying to keep everything together, but I am failing miserably.

I just keep treading water like I would when I was a child in swimming lessons begging inside for the whistle to blow so I could grab on to the edge of the pool. There is no whistle going to blow for me. There is no pool edge to hold on to. If Sean is having a mindset of throwing in the towel, well he can go right ahead. It is not in me to be a quitter. I am a conqueror. I am not a victim of this selfish inhumane beast. I am a victor. I will tread on and on until my last and final breath. Even if my legs give way before me, I will tread with the strength of my mind. Joyce Meyer once wrote a book about the battle fields of our mind.

It is not only Sean who struggles with his mind, we all do, I know it. But is it what we do with the struggle that will impact the outcome for us all. We can bury our heads in a hobby hoping to somehow forget the pain or the reality of what is happening in the forefront, however the bombs are still going off, shrapnel, debris, and casualties of war circulate all around. The war sirens are going off, the bells are ringing, and there is no time to hide or lolly gag. It’s really real. The pressures and the threshold coming together in a semiotic harmony turning order to chaos and chaos to insanity. Selfishness paints no pretty pictures; it never has and never will. It does only what it knows to do and that is to destroy in the most grotesque way.

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