For a long time I covered up the pain I felt so deeply inside. I ran to drugs and a plethora of other idols seeking some sort of comfort only to be left unsatisfied. I was filling my life with destructive substances only to be let down every time. The pain was still there and my actions actually caused even more pain. So many of us can identify with what I am talking about. We all run to something to try and fill the void, but it never works. Food, shopping, relationships, anger, sex and the list goes on and on. We put on masks to cover up our pain. We don’t want to let others in because if we do, they may see us for who we really are. Broken, uncomfortable, miserable, scared people. We try and fix ourselves but to no avail. All of us are different, yet so much a like. For me, it took waking up in my own vomit to finally realize that what I was doing wasn’t working. I needed to make some changes. Not just modify my behavior, but I needed to let someone into my pain and confusion.
It was the best decision I have ever made in my life. Inviting Jesus into my pain and asking Him to heal me was liberating. Never had I experienced such peace before. The process was long painful, but necessary. It even continues to this day. When I finally stopped covering up and exposed the destructive behaviors and attitudes, my life began to change. I didn’t need to put on a mask any longer. I could just be me. I began to learn new ways of living and my though patterns changed as I studied God’s word and invited Jesus into the mess. I want to encourage anyone who may be reading this to quit covering up. It’s not worth it. You are only hurting yourself. Stop pushing people away and accept the help that you are being offered. You don’t have to live this way. Choose life. Not death.