Those are the words I hear echoing in my ears over and over again.
I take comfort in them, for I know Who it is who whispers them to me. They bring me peace and confidence – knowing that I am not alone. Never!
For the longest time I struggled with my thought life since the diagnosis. Everyday I would think about dying. I would constantly feel sorry for myself. I was was constantly gripped with fear of leaving my wife and kids behind. I don’t want to die, I am too young – I would tell myself. My thought life was consumed by a dark and ominous cloud, and it didn’t want to leave. It hung over my head for a real long time.
Well, my thought life has become a lot more positive the past few months. I don’t remember when the clouds began to break. It was a slow, painful, and gradual process – which isn’t quite over.
I must admit that I am so thankful that my mind isn’t consumed with death any longer, but it is filled with thoughts of a fun and fantastic future with my family. Don’t get me wrong, the fight isn’t over, but lately things have been going quite well in the ’emotions department’ for all of us in the Sabourin household. Don’t get me wrong, we still have our challenges, but God is doing a really good job at calming the storms of our lives with His Presence. He is really good at what He does!
He continues to encourage us to just keep going…
How can we pray for you? Please leave a comment below.
We are continually blown away by the support we have been shown since the diagnosis. The other day I created a video talking about some of the issues one faces when dealing with cancer. In the video I talked about weight loss and how I don’t have any clothes now as I have lost so much weight. Well, someone watched the video and helped me out in a BIG way! I created this video in hopes of saying thanks to the individual who helped me out with some gift cards to the Gap, Old Navy, or Banana Republic. Thank you for your generosity!
Ask me. Ask me what it is like to be told the person you are to spend for sickness and in health with is given a time line, an expiration date.Not for 50 years, 25, or even 10, but more so six months without chemotherapy or at least 1 year with it. Ask me. Ask me what it is like watching time slow down to a complete halt and all that is left is the sound from my breath and the alarming thumping ringing in my ears, a shallow reminder that I am alive, but scared to death. I have endeavored to be as transparent as one can be, but life can be sticky, and life can be tricky. An obstacle course I perhaps was trained to endure, yet had no idea at the time of my youth. Ask me what it is like to celebrate Easter, Mother’s Day, soon a birthday, wondering in the deep dark back of my mind, if this is the last we will have as a family…this family, as we know it. Life. We are given life. We live each day with a constant reminder of a reality with no guarantees. We have no guarantees. None. We have no control. We have choice, but no control.
Each moment consists of a choice. We may have not been given guarantees, but we have been given choice. My mind continually bombards me with options, choices, and possible outcomes. They can be somewhat disturbed, cruel, and unmentionable, the thoughts I can muster up, sometimes without effort, however, in these horrid, untouchable moments, the gentleness of the four winds wash peace, unexplainable, impress me with time, unbelievable. Ask me how the prayers of countless soldiers gather me and allow me from falling helpless, weightless,
to the ground unable to go on. Ask me how the kindness of strangers wrap their arms around me with their smiles and soft whispers of good comfort over my aching conscience, sustains me beyond an ability not of my own. It is only God. His faithfulness. His mercy, and His
love for each of us He calls His own. We are His. The banner over us is love. May we rest in it this evening, and find absolute comfort init tomorrow. I am so grateful for this one moment we call now.