Blog Journey

I Just Want To Scream

Someone pass me a pillow – STAT, because I just want to scream! We just got back from my appointment to find out the results of my PET scan. The news wasn’t what we were hoping for. We knew that the cancer was in my colon and my liver, but now they are confirming that it has moved into my lungs. There are approximately 15 spots on my lungs and the doctor tells us at least 3 of the spots ‘light up’ for cancer. It feels like someone just kicked me right in the stomach. My head is spinning and all I want to do is find a pillow and scream as loud as I can into it. It obviously won’t change the situation, but I am sure I would feel a lot better after getting a few things off my chest. They have moved up the dates for my ‘port’ to be installed and when my chemo will begin. A port is inserted in your chest during a short outpatient surgery. It is a small disc made of plastic or metal about the size of a quarter that sits just under the skin. A soft thin tube called a catheter connects the port to a large vein. Your chemotherapy medicines are given through a special needle that fits right into the port. You also can have blood drawn through the port. When all your cycles of chemotherapy are done, the port is removed during another short outpatient procedure. This procedure takes place next Tuesday afternoon and then my chemo will begin a day or two later. As we were leaving the hospital, my mind was racing with all the interruptions that are about to come our way. For the next few months, I will be spending 4 out of 7 days in a clinic getting treatments. I am not looking forward to this, but I remain optimistic about the bigger picture at work behind the scenes. I don’t know why certain things happen to certain people, but the reality is, it’s none of my business. This is my story and I am sticking with it. I hope that through this season in our lives we can be an encouragement and support to those who are walking through difficult times right now. My hope and prayer through this all is that I will be healed and that God would be glorified. At the end of the day, God is still God and God is still good.


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