Blog Journey

I Couldn’t Stop Crying

Last night Jamie and I wanted to get caught up on a show we have enjoyed watching over the past few years called, ‘Suits.’ It has been a few weeks since we last saw an episode so we thought we would watch the final two episodes before the summer finale. Overall, I have been feeling better with each new day. My energy levels are returning as to is my appetite. The one area I find myself fighting with is my emotions. I have felt a blanket of sadness over me for the past few days. I cannot specifically pinpoint what I am feeling, except for just an overall sadness about our situation. We watched the first episode without any issues. It was time to watch the season finale. The episode was an emotionally charged one. It was dealing with the past of both the main characters in the show. The part that got me was when it started to deal with the character Mike Ross. In the show, this character had lost both his parents in a car crash when he was a young boy. In last nights episode, Mike was dealing with the pain of his past. The abandonment he felt from his parents and all the anger he had been carrying around. As we sat and watched the episode, I started to cry. I wasn’t just tearing up. I was balling my eyes out! Jamie started to cry too. We embraced one another tightly for about a minute and then we just sat there in silence. What a powerful moment! All I kept thinking about were our children. My heart breaks for them. I don’t want them to ever think I would abandon them. I don’t want for them to become angry at me or God if anything were to happen to me. All we can do at this time is trust Him.

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