We are continually blown away by the support we have been shown since the diagnosis. The other day I created a video talking about some of the issues one faces when dealing with cancer. In the video I talked about weight loss and how I don’t have any clothes now as I have lost so much weight. Well, someone watched the video and helped me out in a BIG way! I created this video in hopes of saying thanks to the individual who helped me out with some gift cards to the Gap, Old Navy, or Banana Republic. Thank you for your generosity!
I haven’t been Mr. Consistent lately with the blog. I wasn’t feeling all that great for about a month so I wasn’t that motivated to write much. The past couple of weeks have been very encouraging. I feel the best I have this entire process. I don’t know what happened, but something broke in my mind. There was a time where death consumed my every thought. I was constantly bombarded with negative, and destructive thoughts – well, not anymore! I have had real breakthrough in this area of my life, and I am so thankful. It not that fun being a prisoner in your own mind.
In the past couple of weeks I have been working hard at maintaining my health. It truly is a full time job trying to get healthy again. I can understand why so many people want to give up at times – it’s not easy maintaining a healthy lifestyle. It is a lot of hard work involved, but your effort can and will pay off in the long run if you stick to it.
I have no other choice. This is my life from now on. Guess what? I am ok with that. I am will doing whatever it takes to give my body the best possible chance it has at making a full recovery. Never would I have thought I would feel the way I way I do with the diagnosis I was given. I truly believe the path we are on is the right one.
On a side note, I have been working at developing my YouTube channel, so I would appreciate you watching the quick, intro video below I created introducing myself and then consider subscribing. I want to tell more stories, and encourage and educate as many people as we can. After quite some time, and some deep soul searching, I finally feel I have a direction I want to take the channel, so I hope you stop by for a visit. I love getting questions and comments, so please leave some below! Thanks for stopping by!
When we first received the news about the diagnosis, thousands of thoughts flooded my mind. One of the thoughts that wouldn’t leave me alone was, “what about my kids.” I love my kids! Each of them are amazing in their own unique way. I often wonder how well I am doing at raising them. I dream about their future and ponder what type of men and woman they will become as they grow older. Today i was looking through some old journals and came across a letter I wrote six months before Nola was born. Nola is our oldest, then Memphis and finally River. River is our miracle baby, but that is a story for another time. Below is the letter I wrote to Nola before she was born. We didn’t know what we were going to have at the time of this writing.
Letter to my child,
I often wonder about you! I have waited a long time for your arrival
and will continue to as you are only 14 weeks old as of today. I
couldn’t sleep tonight, so I thought I would write you a letter.
Your mother is sleeping right now. She needs her rest. It is 12:10AM
on Monday, August 26, 2006. It is quiet, yet the traffic on the highway
is steady. I wonder what you will look like? I often joke that I
want you to have your mother’s looks but my personality. Your mother
is so beautiful! I love her so much. Though we have not yet face to
face, I already love you with all my heart. You are so very special. I have
to be honest with you, I’m a little afraid. I don’t want to mess up raising
you. I want the best for you and your mother and I want you to have a
good life. This is our first time being parents and we don’t really know
what to expect. We are hopeful because of our faith. We pray for you on
a regular basis. The Lord is going to have tremendous plans for your life.
My first piece of advice for you is to love God with all your heart,
mind, and soul. The second piece of advice is to follow Jesus
wherever He leads you. Continually give yourself to the power
of the Holy Spirit because you my child are destined for greatness!
I love you and can’t wait to hold you in my arms for the first time.
Another week of treatments is in the books! Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for my treatments – it’s just nice to be done.
It’s hard to believe that there have been nearly 38 weeks that have passed by since the diagnosis. That’s a lot of treatments! That’s a lot of sitting. That’s a lot of money!
But it sure has been worth it!
People ask me nearly everyday – how are you doing? My answer – today is a good day! Now obviously that’s not the case all the time, but for the most part – I would say I am doing very well. Each day I give thanks for the decision we made to head in this direction with my treatment protocol. I honestly feel like this nightmare has come to an end. Don’t ask me why – I just sense it. I am not saying I am healed (although it would be very nice to make that announcement) – I just feel like we have turned a corner the past three weeks.
Maybe it’s the way I have been feeling lately? Or maybe, just maybe – things are working? Whatever the reasons are – I will take it. Lately I haven’t been consumed with my thoughts. I have found myself thinking more about other things and people lately than myself and the situation we are faced with. To me – that’s progress.
It’s a relief!
It’s a miracle!
To think more about living than dying is such a relief! I am not saying I won’t have any more bad days – I am just thankful for the past couple of months to be behind us now. As a family we were face with a lot the past couple of months – we bent, but we didn’t break! It is God’s grace carrying us through this valley of the shadow of death – oh yeah, and not to mention – all the amazing people who have leaned into our life at this time.