Ask Me

Ask me. Ask me what it is like to be told the person you are to spend for sickness and in health with is given a time line, an expiration date.Not for 50 years, 25, or even 10, but more so six months without chemotherapy or at least 1 year with it. Ask me. Ask me what it is like watching time slow down to a complete halt and all that is left is the sound from my breath and the alarming thumping ringing in my ears, a shallow reminder that I am alive, but scared to death. I have endeavored to be as transparent as one can be, but life can be sticky, and life can be tricky. An obstacle course I perhaps was trained to endure, yet had no idea at the time of my youth. Ask me what it is like to celebrate Easter, Mother’s Day, soon a birthday, wondering in the deep dark back of my mind, if this is the last we will have as a family…this family, as we know it. Life. We are given life. We live each day with a constant reminder of a reality with no guarantees. We have no guarantees. None. We have no control. We have choice, but no control.

Each moment consists of a choice. We may have not been given guarantees, but we have been given choice. My mind continually bombards me with options, choices, and possible outcomes. They can be somewhat disturbed, cruel, and unmentionable, the thoughts I can muster up, sometimes without effort, however, in these horrid, untouchable moments, the gentleness of the four winds wash peace, unexplainable, impress me with time, unbelievable. Ask me how the prayers of countless soldiers gather me and allow me from falling helpless, weightless,
to the ground unable to go on. Ask me how the kindness of strangers wrap their arms around me with their smiles and soft whispers of good comfort over my aching conscience, sustains me beyond an ability not of my own. It is only God. His faithfulness. His mercy, and His
love for each of us He calls His own. We are His. The banner over us is love. May we rest in it this evening, and find absolute comfort init tomorrow. I am so grateful for this one moment we call now.

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