October 2015

I think it is important to celebrate milestones every chance you get. Today was the first time since the middle of September that I felt like getting out of the house and being a productive human being. You loose a lot of motivation and energy while on chemo. For the past few years, I have been spending time at a local elementary school with some pretty amazing faculty and students. I help out wherever I can whether it is on lunch duty or in the classroom. I love spending time here because of how amazing the staff and students are. For example, today was the first time I had been at the school for some time and as I was walking up to the school at least 12 kids ran up to me and gave me a huge hug. That hug was huge! It meant the world to me. It was great getting out and finding some normalcy. It was a needed visit to the staff and students of Alexander.

It’s hard to believe that it has already been two months since I was diagnosed with cancer. It has been a very dark and painful time for our family but we continue to lean on one another and our faith to get us through this time. Throughout this journey I have learned so much about myself, food, nutrition and even the medical community. It has been overwhelming at times as there is so much information out there. What to eat? When to eat? How much to eat? How much sugar is in it? What’s good for you? What’s not good for you? and the questions go on and on. These are questions we should be asking, but unfortunately we are not. One of the biggest lessons I have learned through this process is just how ignorant I have been. I had been warned numerous times to change the way I eat and the way I take care of myself, but I never listened. Anyways, we are here now and there is nothing I can do to change the past. I do however have the ability to positively affect my future and Thanks for following our journey!

It has not been fun! The past few weeks have been quite difficult around the Sabourin household. I have been the sickest I have ever been and have absolutely NO energy to do anything. Depression has wrapped itself around me and is tightening its grip. Last night I went to put River to bed. We went through our evening ritual: the brushing of teeth, the emptying of the bladder, story, prayer, song and snuggles. It wasn’t a normal evening though as I hadn’t been feeling all that great. I was nauseous and just wanted to curl up on the couch and feel sorry for myself. We got through the first few evening routines but it was story time now. I started to read River his story but only got 3 pages into the story before I had to make a mad dash to the bathroom. Let’s just say throwing up is not something I enjoy doing. After my bathroom experience, I returned to River’s room to finish off our evening routine. I sat next to him, he placed his book into my lap and I began to read. After I finished reading, ‘Awesome Trucks’ we snuggled under the covers and I began to pray over River and sing him his favourite song, Be Lifted Up. It was great laying there with River, watching him fall fast asleep, but before his eyes closed, he uttered the 7 most powerful words I have heard in a long time. River grabbed my hand and said, “Daddy, I want Jesus to heal you.” That was it! Those 7 powerful words pierced my heart.