September 2015

Last night Jamie and I wanted to get caught up on a show we have enjoyed watching over the past few years called, ‘Suits.’ It has been a few weeks since we last saw an episode so we thought we would watch the final two episodes before the summer finale. Overall, I have been feeling better with each new day. My energy levels are returning as to is my appetite. The one area I find myself fighting with is my emotions. I have felt a blanket of sadness over me for the past few days. I cannot specifically pinpoint what I am feeling, except for just an overall sadness about our situation. We watched the first episode without any issues. It was time to watch the season finale. The episode was an emotionally charged one. It was dealing with the past of both the main characters in the show. The part that got me was when it started to deal with the character Mike Ross. In the show, this character had lost both his parents in a car crash when he was a young boy. In last nights episode, Mike was dealing with the pain of his past. The abandonment he felt from his parents and all the anger he had been carrying around. As we sat and watched the episode, I started to cry. I wasn’t just tearing up. I was balling my eyes out! Jamie started to cry too. We embraced one another tightly for about a minute and then we just sat there in silence. What a powerful moment! All I kept thinking about were our children. My heart breaks for them. I don’t want them to ever think I would abandon them. I don’t want for them to become angry at me or God if anything were to happen to me. All we can do at this time is trust Him.

Today is the first day since Wednesday that I have felt somewhat normal. My energy levels are increasing and my appetite is slowly coming back. I had no idea what chemo was going to be like when I had started it, but it has not been fun! For the first three days all I did was stay in bed. I would get up for maybe a half hour at a time and then head right back to bed. I think my eyes were closed for nearly three days as I kept them closed so I could focus on not being sick. My sense of smell has radically changed and so now I have to be carful or certain smells will affect me. Each day I have tried to push myself by trying to do a little more and staying up. I have been successful with eating plain soup and toast, along with my juices. Jamie made a yummy turkey dinner in Friday evening and I did a pretty good job eating. Yesterday and today have been better. I have been able to eat more and I even did a little work today. I hope in the next few days I will be back to normal, just in time to do it all over again. I am so grateful for my loving, supportive, wife. She has been amazing. Also, I am fortunate to have a very committed family and group of friends walking this out with us. I am off of treatments this week and will resume on Wednesday, October 7. Keep praying! Thanks!

I can’t believe I am here. Is this even real? Chemo day! I am not looking forward to this. I have heard many stories about chemo, some good and some I wish I never heard. I arrived on floor 3 of the cancer clinic just in time to be taken back to the room I will be spending the next 3-4 hours. There are a few other people here getting their treatments, but overall it is pretty quiet here. Carol is the nurse assigned to me. She is quite nice and very helpful. After taking my seat and having everything explained to me, it is time! Nurse Carol takes my blood pressure and begins the IV. Everything seems to be going well until about half way through the treatment and I start to feel light headed. The next thing you know I am face down in a bowl. I’ll save you all the details, but let’s just say it wasn’t pretty. The nausea feeling lasted the remaining time at the clinic and even followed me home. I returned home and was welcomed by my amazing family. Their love and support gives my strength and motivation to forge ahead. I’m looking forward to the rest of this process, but I am determined to fight for my life.

It felt like today would never come. I have been waiting to have my port installed for nearly month and today was the day. I woke up today feeling a little nervous but that quickly subsided after spending some time in my favourite reading chair. My appointment was for 12PM but I needed to be there for 11AM so they could prep me for the half hour procedure. The staff at the Abbotsford Hospital were great. Very helpful and kept the mood light and relaxed. I felt at peace laying on the bed waiting for my procedure. I kept reminding myself of my wife and kids and all the incredible people we have in our lives who are fighting on our behalf. I am blown away everyday by the love and support we are shown. After waiting about 45 minutes it was time for me to be wheeled into the operating room. I arrived to a few nurses and the surgeon preparing for my arrival. When I got there I was welcomed and informed about what exactly was about to happen. I had total peace throughout the whole process and after the 30 minute procedure I was wheeled back into the recovery room. I was told I was out for about a half hour. When I awoke, I felt great. My head didn’t feel weird from the medications they gave me, my body didn’t hurt and overall I felt great! I stayed in the recovery room for about an hour and then it was time to go home. After leaving the hospital today, I feel hopeful. I don’t know exactly how my body will handle the chemo tomorrow but I am not going to worry about that because I have the God of comfort on my side. Here we go…

It’s been a few days since I last wrote anything. To be honest, I haven’t felt motivated to write anything the past few days. I have had my good days and my not so good days. All I want is for this nightmare to be over. It still feels like everything we are going through isn’t real. I keep looking over my shoulder thinking that someone is going to come out from behind a curtain or a wall and say, ‘just kidding, you don’t have cancer.’ Unfortunately, it hasn’t happen yet. This week is a very busy and important one. River starts pre school today, I have a IV treatment later this morning and tomorrow I have my port installed. Overall, I am feeling pretty good about everything, but there are times when everything is quiet I start thinking about things that I shouldn’t or that are outside of my control. It is a daily battle to remain positive, but a battle I am willing to fight. I am not too sure when chemo will begin, but I think it may be this week. There is a lot to plan and organize as my treatments begin. Getting to and from treatments, getting our kids to school and back home, making lunches, speaking engagements, work and everything else. It is going to be a crazy next 6 months, but we are up for the challenge.