August 2015

This morning I had my appointment with my new oncologist. It was just an initial consultation with him but we did finally figure out what the plan will be as we move forward with this diagnosis. After spending about an hour with the doctor we finally had some of our questions answered – sort of. The plan is for me to get a PET Scan as soon as possible to see how my organs are doing. A PET Scan is a type of imaging test. It uses a radioactive substance called a tracer to look for disease in the body. A PET scan shows how organs and tissues are working. Once this is done and he gets the results back (1-2 weeks) I should be starting my chemo treatments. He explained what will be involved with these treatments and their frequency. To begin, I will have chemo every two weeks for three months. There will be other testing that goes on as well through this time. One of the scenarios involved is having surgery on my liver. This is a distinct possibility, but we will know more in the coming weeks. One thing I realized after today’s appointment is that my life is now interrupted by appointments. I must admit I am not looking forward to this. I think this is more depressing than having cancer. Our lives will now be filled with going to the cancer clinic every two weeks for the foreseeable future. Not fun! The doctor also said something that I don’t think has really set in yet. He wasn’t too hopeful about recovery. He basically stated that I possibly have two years to live and he actually admitted in front of my wife and I that chemo doesn’t cure people. Crazy! Than why do it? I think chemo and its affects kill more people than the cancer does. Just my opinion. Anyways, we are meeting with Integrated Health tomorrow evening and we are believing for a good report. We will exhaust any and all resources to make sure we do all that we can to fight this. We will not quit. We will not give up. Because, I don’t do cancer!

Thanks for you love, support and encouragement during this time. Please pray for our family, especially for our kids. We have just launched a website called idontdocancer.ca. The purpose of this site is to be a source of hope and encouragement for those battling cancer. On the site you will find articles, videos, stories, shareable images, recipes and so much more. We have designed some time shirts and will be selling them as a fundraiser to cover some of the costs for my treatments. Please check the site out and share it with your friends. We would love to hear your stories and if you have something you want to share please let us know so we can share it with others as well. This isn’t just about us. There’s a bigger picture to all of this that hasn’t fully come into focus yet but we believe it will as this journey continues. So there you have it. That’s the most recent update about our journey. Thanks for being a part of it.

I’m not afraid of death. Honestly, I’m not. What I do fear though is what life would be like for my wife and three kids if I were to die prematurely. This is something that crosses my mind at least once a day. I know that they will be taken care of and that everything will be alright but I sometimes think about not being a part of their lives. I want to grow old with the love of my life. I want to see and be a part of all three of my children as they grow. I want to see what God will do in and through our church family at Connect. I want to travel to places with my wife that never of us have been before. I want to walk my little girl down the aisle and hand her over to a young man who will love and respect her. I want to be a coach for my son’s sports teams. I want to watch them transform and mature into godly, responsible men. I want to be a grandpa one day. I want to reach more people with the good news of Jesus Christ. I want to be there for them. I want to protect and provide for them to the best of my ability. I don’t want them blaming or resenting God. I don’t want them to make poor choices because of the pain they feel. My heart breaks at the thought of not being around. There is still so much I want to do, places I want to visit and people I want to meet. I’m not ready to die. I am ready and willing to fight. I know I am not alone.

Attitude: a settled way of thinking or feeling about someone or something, typically one that is reflected in a person’s behavior. One of my core convictions regarding this season in my life is maintaining a positive attitude no matter what the report. Now I know I won’t always maintain a positive attitude but it is my goal to do everything in my ability to have one. I remember a phone call I had with someone recently and they were a bit surprised by how well I was handling the news. We definitely have had our moments but for the most part we have remained positive and optimistic about my future. One of the passages I have been giving some thought to recently is Proverbs 4:23. It states, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” When I read this and take some time to think about what it is saying there are a few things that stand out to me. First, the word guard is important. It is an action word. We are required to do something. Protect, be alert, watchful. It would be easy for me to give up and stop believing that my circumstances won’t change, but I won’t. I choose to remain positive. I am doing everything I can to remain hopeful and optimistic. I do this by surrounding myself with positive people, not the naysayers. I choose to listen to music with a positive message and most importantly I spend time in a life giving book everyday – the Bible. These are just a few of the things I am doing to guard my heart. The second point I want to make about the above passage is the phrase “above all else.” This too is an important statement. Why? Because it tells me that guarding my heart should be my greatest priority. What we value we will prioritize. I value my life, my family, my friends, and much more therefore I will guard my heart from having negative attitudes. The last point I want to make about this passage are the final few words, “it determines the course of your life.” That’s powerful! My heart, my thoughts, my belief system have an integral part to play with the course of my life. Have you ever heard about how when one of the spouses of an elderly couple dies, often the other spouse isn’t too far behind. Why? A broken heart. They have given up. They have no reason to continue on because the most important person/thing in their life is gone. This is sad and unfortunate. For me moving forward in this journey I want to remain positive and have a healthy attitude no matter what type of report I receive. I don’t want to be in denial but rather I want a spirit of faith to rise within me.