August 2015

There is a story in the Bible found in Acts 3 I have been reading lately and giving some thought to. I wanted to share it with you and some of the things that have stood out to me.

Peter and John went to the Temple one afternoon to take part in the three o’clock prayer service. As they approached the Temple, a man lame from birth was being carried in. Each day he was put beside the Temple gate, the one called the Beautiful Gate, so he could beg from the people going into the Temple. When he saw Peter and John about to enter, he asked them for some money.

Peter and John looked at him intently, and Peter said, “Look at us!” The lame man looked at them eagerly, expecting some money. But Peter said, “I don’t have any silver or gold for you. But I’ll give you what I have. In the name of Jesus Christ the Nazarene, get up and walk!”

Then Peter took the lame man by the right hand and helped him up. And as he did, the man’s feet and ankles were instantly healed and strengthened. He jumped up, stood on his feet, and began to walk! Then, walking, leaping, and praising God, he went into the Temple with them.

There is so much to this story but I won’t have the time to write about all of it. I do want to mention one thing though that has stood out to me while reading this story a few times over the week end. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be in his position. Being lame from birth. Now you need to understand that the word lame here doesn’t mean the same thing that you may think it means. Being lame means: crippled or disabled in a limb, or otherwise injured so as to be unsound and impaired in strength; as a lame arm or leg, or a person lame in one leg. Could you imagine having to relay on people everyday to carry you around and in this mans case to be placed strategically so he could beg. I would imagine that he suffered a little with insecurity and maybe even he was angry at God for allowing him to be born this way. Anyways, the point I want to make is how he looked at the two other man and expected to receive some money. Obviously he had come to a place of acceptance of being lame although I am sure he desired to be made whole. What astounds me about this story is he didn’t receive what he was expecting. He was hoping for a little scratch from these two guys and what he received was not what he expected. Healing!

In some ways, I identify with this guy. Friends of ours recently started a GoFundMe page on our behalf. We have been blown away by the generosity of friends, family and even complete strangers. It has been overwhelming all the support we have been shown these past few weeks. Here we have been ‘asking for money; but my expectation is that God will heal me. Now you may not agree but I truly believe God heals. Yes, you are correct in your thinking that if God does heal why isn’t everyone who is suffering through something right now healed? Honestly, I don’t know why. Why did God allow my birth mom to die of Stage 4 lung cancer at the age of 56 and my mom Pat die of Non-Hodgkins lymphoma at the age of 59? No idea. Why did God allow a young father/husband to die in his early 30’s of leukemia? Again, no idea. It’s not my job or right to know these things because I am not God. I could go on and on of stories of why we would question the reality of God and why He doesn’t heal. For me, I know God exists and I know God heals. I am living proof that God heals. There is no way someone can overcome a 10 year hard core addiction on their own. There is just no possible way. I know of many others who have been healed physically, emotionally and spiritually and I am expecting that I will be healed of this diagnosis. Why wouldn’t I?

When I was a teenager I was in all of two fights. If I close my eyes I can remember them both vividly. Now these weren’t ‘Fight Club’ type fights, they were actually more like a shoving match than anything. Fast forward about five years and I was about to face my next fight. You see, I had been struggling with a 10 year drug addiction. I was in a dark place in my life. Suicidal thoughts, a short stay in our local psych ward, and no hope to continue on. I remember coming to one night after I had blacked out due to the excessive drinking and drug use in a pool of my own vomit and knew I needed to make some serious changes. I was finally ready to fight again. I spent a year in treatment and got the help that I needed to live a life free from drugs and alcohol. Fast forward 15 years and I have another fight on my hands. Cancer. You learn a lot about yourself when you face adversity. You also learn a lot about the people around you. When I look in my corner, I am humbled by the people who are there. I have the most incredible wife who in my opinion is the strongest person I have ever met. I have amazing kids. I have a loving, supportive, resourceful, helpful family. Both on my side and my wife’s side. Not only do I have these people in my corner, there are so many more. I am ready physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. This is the biggest fight of my career and I am determined to win.

What a week! This has been one of the most difficult, yet rewarding weeks I have ever experienced in my life. The week didn’t start out too great because of the news we received from my oncologist at the Abbotsford Cancer Clinic. It isn’t his fault, it’s just the news we were given. It has been one incredible roller coaster ride of emotions and sometimes we wondered if it would ever stop. We have been surrounded by amazing people near and abroad. We receive encouraging notes on a daily basis, the phone hasn’t stopped ringing (which we are totally fine with) and I think the one thing I have enjoyed the most is the time we spend with friends in our home. Chatting, praying and encouraging one another. We have also been overwhelmed by the GoFundMePage one of our closest friends started. It brings us to tears when we read some of the comments and see people giving towards my treatments their hard earned dollars. We have never been in this position before so it is hard to wrap our minds around. So to each of you who have either purchased a t-shirt or given financially and even those who have dropped off fresh vegetables thank you so, so much! Your kindness and generosity blows us away.

Last night we had a very important appointment with Integrated Health in Ft. Langely. Again, we really didn’t know what to expect but we were hoping that it would be better than the news we have been receiving lately. It was refreshing walking into the office. It was unlike walking into the cancer clinic in Abbotsford. No offense to our facilities here in Abbotsford, it just seemed to be a place filled with hope. Now that may sound corny to some but it’s true. After waiting for a few minutes, our doctor came out and greeted us and took us back to her office. Jamie commented on our way home how nice it was that she came out and greeted us rather than us being ushered into some small, dreary room and having to wait for a half hour. The meeting was amazing in my opinion. We asked 1000 questions, she was very thorough in her examination of me and her line of questioning. It was a fresh breath of air knowing that she is actually concerned about our well being and my overall health. One thing she said that stood out to me was that “no one can give you an expiry date.” I thought, wow, you are so right. Why didn’t I realize that before? Now obviously she isn’t saying that I won’t die or that I am going to die in 2 or even 5 years. The reality is no one really knows when they will die so we should all live our lives everyday as if it was our last. After the examination and all the questions, we got down to the nitty gritty. My treatments with Integrated health are going to be intense, but I am up for the challenge. After leaving the office tonight after nearly two and a half ours, for the first time in a while I felt as though hope is rising. Thanks for joining us on this journey. Until next time.

During yesterday’s appointment I was given the names of the medications I will be taking during my chemo. Irinotecan, Fluorouracil, Leucovorin, Bevacizumab. Say those 5 times fast, I dare you. It was interesting to find out what these drugs are suppose to do to the cancer even though they won’t cure me as the doctor plainly stated. Some of the drugs are meant to interfere with dividing cells and preventing an increase in the number of cancer cells. The Leucovorin works by enhancing the effect of Fluorouracil and strengthening Fluorouracil’s ability to reduce the number of cancer cells. And finally Bevacizumab is a monoclonal antibody, which is a type of protein designed to target and interfere with the growth of blood vessels. I have no idea what any of this means, heck, I can’t even pronounce this stuff, but I am hoping it will at least do what it is suppose to do. They tell me the intended benefits of these meds are:

a) this therapy is being given to destroy and/or limit the growth of cancer cells in my body. This treatment may improve your current symptoms, and delay the onset of new symptoms.
b) It may take several treatments before your doctor can judge whether or not this treatment is helping.

All of this information is from the hand out the doctor gave me yesterday before leaving the cancer clinic. On one hand I am very thankful for the health system Canada has but on the other hand, they don’t seem to provide you much hope. As I sat in the waiting room, I could literally feel the sadness and hopelessness in the air. Watching the people come and go and seeing pain in their eyes grieves me. Many of them have no hope at all. The treatments are to last for three months and will be administered every two weeks. I will spare you all the details of all the side affects but it doesn’t look pretty. In the coming weeks my goal is to do all that I can to keep my body in the best shape possible. I have an incredible wife in my corner who does so much for me and the kids. She has put together a great meal plan and in the next post I hope to share some of my favorite meals. We are amazed by all the changes we already in see since making the dietary changes and we are believing that these changes will benefit us moving forward.